5 Meditation Tips

I've been slowly working my way through an audiobook by Cheri Huber called Unconditional Self-Acceptance.  I've just listened to a section where she gives a few meditation tips.  I think these are pretty unusual tips - I love them!

1.    Realise that the voice in your head that purports to be an expert on meditation and how you should do it, is not an expert on meditation – or anything else. That voice is part of the survival system that we’ve been looking at, it’s often that internalised critic or judge that there’s to tell you how you should be and what you should do, and what you should know.  It presents itself and an authority so that you will pay attention to it as you did when you were a small child.  You’re no longer a small child, and that voice has no useful information.  In fact, another sub tip I’d offer – any voice that’s not speaking to you with compassion has no information that will be helpful to you.

2.    Only ego sets standards and makes contest for you to fail.  And that goes with no 3...

3.    Your heart, or whatever you want to call ‘that’ which draws you toward the work of awareness, wants you to succeed, and always communicates with you compassionately.

4.    It is always good to do more than ego says you can, and less than ego says you should.  (Note: By ‘ego’ Cheri usually means that critical voice in the mind).

5.    Enlightenment is not more important than kindness, and, in fact, you can’t have one without the other.

I really like how Cheri communicates ideas so clearly and simply: 'Any voice that's not speaking to you with compassion has no information that will be helpful to you.'  You just can't say it more clearly than that! 

I've found that concept to be so helpful over the past week.  As I lie in bed, often too exhausted to think clearly or meditate, I just notice voices drifting in and out of my mind and my question to them is: 'Is that a kind thought?'  I just note 'yes' or 'no'... and let the thought move on.  I'm focusing on noticing - not trying to fix or change the  'bad' thoughts. It's been a wonderfully simple practice for me.

Today's artwork is an original painting by Etsy artist Tomato Tomahto.  She makes beautiful artworks, often accompanied by bible verse.

The Chronic Meditator vs The Voices II

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about seeing many of the negative, critical, voices that I have in my head, but not knowing how to deal with them.

In that post, it was me and my bear against a truck-load of  internal negativity.  Now a bear is a mighty fine thing to have on hand when a tonne of negativity is hurtling towards you, but my bear is pretty small, and that truck was pretty big, so I went in search of something (anything!) else that might help.

I've been reading a lot of Cheri Huber's books lately, and got to a section in her book The Fear Book where she writes about becoming a mentor to ourselves:

If we can become for ourselves the mentor we always wished we had, then everything in life becomes an exciting adventure. We can do all those things we've always wanted to do but convinced ourselves we couldn't do.  We can live our lives in the company of someone who really loves us and cares about us and supports us in our natural eagerness to grow and in our intelligence about how to do that.  

If we look at life as an opportunity to end our suffering, as an opportunity to embrace and heal all that has happened to us, out attention moves AWAY from trying to fix ourselves, and TOWARDS being with ourselves as we live our daily lives.

I wasn't too sure my life could ever become an 'exciting adventure,' but the word 'mentor' struck a chord.  I could see it offered a different way of relating to myself.

I had my first chance to try a bit of mentoring last weekend, when I packed up and moved out of a share-house I was living in.  (I wrote about my difficulties with my house-mate, Alison, a few posts ago).   

My lovely dad came to help me pack up and move out of the house and as I put my last bag into his ute I pumped my fists in the air and sang a few bars of Born Free...'free as the wind blows...free to not have someone worrying I would burn down their house or poison their dog...' My dad and I had a good laugh. 'Whatever you do, don't run down her bloody dog so close to your escape!' he told me, as I backed out of her drive-way. 

On the way back to my parent's farm I had to stop off in a chemist and get a prescription filled.  As I sat waiting I suddenly realised how angry and frustrated I was at Alison. My exhilaration at being freed abated as I thought about beleaguered and harangued I'd felt around her. 

While I waited in the chemist chair I rehearsed in my mind the things I wanted to tell her. I imagined myself trying to talk to her over the phone, or writing her a letter explaining how it was her behaviour that had led to me leaving the house. I imagined myself yelling at her, swearing at her, telling her she was a crazy, neurotic, prissy cow. 

Finally I stopped myself. 'What do you want?' I asked. 'I really want her to understand how much she's hurt me,' was the answer. 

The truth in that moment was that I felt hurt, and I felt that Alison was a prissy cow and had hurt me. I could think that I 'shouldn't' feel that way, but I still felt it.

So, again, I asked myself, 'what do you want?' and again I answered, 'I want her to understand how I'm feeling.'  I realised that whilst she could probably never understand how I was feeling - I could. I could listen to how I was feeling and try to be with my own feelings.  I could try to mentor myself. 

As I sat waiting for my script I tried this out.  As soon as a voice came up in my head saying, 'I'm so annoyed with her...why couldn't she just be more rational?' I'd respond by saying something like, 'wow...yes, it sounds like a really tough situation.  That's hard to feel like you've got no choice but to move out of a house. Hmmm....really hard.'

For the next ten minutes I sat there just giving supportive, mentoring feedback to any thought or feeling I had.

'Hmmm...anger, lots of anger in my stomach. That's not such a nice feeling - I'm really sorry that I'm feeling that way.' If I had a thought that I'd done something wrong in handling the situation with Alison I'd respond by saying, 'I can't think of anything more I could have done.  I've lived in share-houses for twenty years and I've never had a problem like this, so, I don't think it's anything I have to worry about.'

Of course, a voice in my head interrupted constantly to explain how completely childish, self-absorbed, non-spiritual and just plain WRONG all this mentoring was...and how plain WRONG I was to have been unable to handle the situation with Alison, but I kept going.  I  just allowed myself to be with whatever feeling I was having.

I left the chemist feeling a lot calmer, and a lot more listened to. I realised I absolutely did not need Alison to listen to me - what I needed to do was to listen to, and mentor,  myself. 

In the middle of writing this post I took a break to sit down at the piano and play one of my favorite songs, In My Mind I'm Going to Carolina. It struck me how appropriate some of the lyrics were to what I was writing about, so I'll finish up with these words from James Taylor: 

There ain't no doubt in no ones mind
That love's the finest thing around
Whisper something soft and kind...

Cheri Huber and the Zen Monastery Peace Centre

Over the last few weeks I've been reading a few books by zen teacher Cheri Huber, and have been introduced to her wonderful on-line resources, intended to provide support for those who don't live near her monastery.  I'm always keen to get this kind of meditation support, because I'm pretty much house-bound these days and can't get out to join a regular meditation or Buddhist group. 

I just love it when groups of people can get together, regardless of geographic location or personal circumstances, to share their experiences and support each other on this journey. This is the communication revolution at its best!

If you're not into Buddhism - don't worry - the word 'Buddha' is hardly ever mentioned in any of the resources offered by Cheri and the monks at the Zen Monastery Peace Centre.  From what I can gather, she focuses a lot on working with conditioning (aka 'the voices in my head').  

As an example of conditioning, I might be happily writing away at this blog post only to have my peace interrupted by a voice saying quietly -  'You know, people don't really like this blog.  Some people say they do, but they don't.'  I go into a quiet panic, and worry about that voice being right.  And there I am - caught in conditioning. 

  Cheri Huber works a lot around the idea of conditioning and its role in self-hatred, and on developing a more nurturing, supportive, present element to our lives.  Her work is extremely practical and focused on the here and now.  I'm sure I'll be writing more over the next few months about some of Cheri's teachings, but for now, I wanted to give a list of some of the support and resources she offers. 

Open Air:  a weekly, on-line radio program where guests call in and ask questions.  There are a few hundred past episodes available as podcasts.

Practice Everywhere: Receive short awareness practice reminders by way of text messages, computer, Facebook, Twitter, or i Phone. When you sign up, you can choose how to receive them.

Reflective Listening Buddies:  this program offers the opportunity to connect with another person, by phone or Skype, weekly for 30 minutes of practice support.

E-mail classes:  classes on awareness practice offered through e-mail.  (A donation is suggested for this class, but no set amount).

Birthday Book Give-Away!

Hello lovely readers!

It's my birthday in March and as I was lazing around in bed yesterday I started thinking of what I wanted (a slow cooker and a voucher for my local art store - if any of my family members are reading).

Then...I thought of what I'd like to give, instead of get.  Having this blog, and the lovely, genuine comments I've received from its readers over the past 6 months has been a great source of connection and solace for me. So I'd like to give a bit back. I decided I'd buy a copy of the two books that I think have been most helpful to me over the past few years, and give them away.

Both books have fairly cheesy titles, but I've found them packed with great information and wise teachings.  They're both written by Buddhists, but they are firmly based on practical teachings which I think would be relevent to people from any spiritual background (or no spiritual background at all!) 

They are:

There Is Nothing Wrong With You  by Cheri Huber
Radical Self-Acceptance by Tara Brach

If you click on each book title it'll take you to the Amazon page, so you can read some reviews and even have a look inside the book to see if you think you'd like it. I'm going to order the books  from my favorite bookstore, The Book Depository - a UK store which offers free world-wide delivery, so I can get the book sent directly from the UK to you.

If you want one of the books...

Send me an e-mail  :  emmacorcoran AT aussiebroadband DOT com DOT au
or, post a comment below.  

I'll post a comment to let you know when they're gone.

If you get one and would like to write a little review of it for this blog, you are very welcome (although, of course, not obligated!)

So, Happy Birthday, from me to you.

Check out the photo of my little lap-top buddy. I blu-taced him to my lappy and he looks so cute.  I love Ernie!