A place with no preferences

 Tricycle Magazine is a Buddhist magazine with an excellent, interactive website.  In their book club section they are currently hosting a discussion of Toni Bernhard's book 'How to be Sick'.  Pop on over to read excerpts from Toni's book and participate in a very interesting discussion with her.

Yesterday Toni asked, 'Do others think it's possible to come to a place where it's "okay" to be sick -- where we would have "no preferences" (to quote the third Zen patriarch) as to whether we were sick or healthy?'

An interesting question! 

I'm not sure about whether I could come to a place where it's OK to be sick (or, to be more specific, a place with no preferences). I think it's possible, but it's not what I've experienced yet.

What I'm investigating at the moment is whether I can come to a place where I don't have a preference about whether I feel it's OK or not OK to be sick.

Here's what I'm exploring...

If I have a day when I feel miserable, bitter, and very ungrateful about being sick...should I feel a preference that this day not be that way? Should I feel a preference that I feel at ease and peaceful being sick? Or should I have no preferences ?

For me, this exploration is very rich. I'm suddenly allowing all these really difficult feelings to flow through my body - boredom, frustration, anxiety about the future, terror, emptiness, and despair. I know this all sounds really miserable, and not like 'good news' at all, but I have this strong feeling that allowing these feelings to flow is really my path.

At the moment I'm feelings in the depths of despair becuase I am just sitting in the 'soup of my suffering' and experiencing a great helplessness. I'm experiencing what it's like to stop the fight and just allow whatever is happening to happen. This is why I haven't posted on this blog for a while, because I've been feeling an almost crushing sense of despair and depression.

Whilst this feels terrible at the moment somewhere deep inside I know that I just have to keep going. Although my mind tells me that acceptance will lead to an eternal, never-ending despair, I have read enough Buddhist books to have at least an intellectual understanding that I really just have to keep going.

So today, I think my practice will be to lie in bed and not have a preference that I feel one way over another way.

Metta to all on this very difficult journey (called life).

Gili Air - a tiny island just off the coast of Lombok.

Tricycle Events

The Buddhist website Tricycle, (which accompanies the Tricycle magazine), often some has engaging and interactive on-line events. At the moment they're running two programs that sound really interesting. 

On April 19th, Allan Lokos will be leading members of the Tricycle Community Book Club in an on-line discussion of his book, Pocket Peace: Effective Practices for Enlightened Living. Allan is the founder and guiding teacher of the Community Meditation Center in New York City.

Audio readings from the text will supplement the discussion.  If you want to be part of this, it's free - just head on over to Tricycle and join up with their book club. 

The other event is a four part video 'retreat' with Buddhist writer Stephen Batchelor.  There's an  interview with Stephen in the latest issue of Tricycle. He's a contemporary Buddhist teacher and writer, best known for his secular or agnostic approach to Buddhism. 

To get access to this retreat and other retreats held during the year (as well as a subscription to the  Tricycle Magazine) you have to become a sustaining member of Tricycle.  This costs $30.  (Seems like a very reasonable amount to me - I thought it would be a lot more than that!)