Developing the mentor Pt 1

A friend of mine (who also has CFS) has been doing an e-mail class with US Zen teacher Cheri Huber over the past few months. Cheri's work places a strong emphasis on developing a compassionate and kind inner-voice, which she calls a 'mentor'. 

As part of the e-mail course my friend was asked to find someone else to teach some of Cheri's practices to, focussing on the development of an inner-mentor. I am the proud little guinea-pig!  

I thought I'd blog about doing my 'assignments' (because if I blog about them it means I actually have to do them!)

My first task was to find a way of recording my voice.  I ended up just clicking on the video recorder in my laptop and recording myself speaking on video.  This way, the recordings are on my desktop and with one click I can be listening to them.  (I thought it was important to make the listening process as simple as possible, or I'd find an excuse not to do it! Like most people, I don't particularly enjoy listening to my voice on tape.)

My next task was to record myself saying all the positive, good things I was doing to support myself in my meditation and awareness practice, and all the ways I was committed to giving myself a better life. 

It was quite weird to record myself saying these things, but I came up with three minutes of affirming statements.  The recording says things like: 'I'm really committed to making my life better and giving myself the best chance of getting well and finding peace.  Even when my meditation practice is really difficult and I feel like I'm getting no-where I still keep going.  I'm committed to spending money on books and on my psychologist.  I'm committed to travelling to the monastery whenever I can.  I really appreciate the parts of myself that are persistent and focussed and creative - because these parts help me just to keep going in this practice.' 

Now my task is to listen to this recording every day.  As I listen I silently say, 'Yes, that's true' after every statement I make on the recording. 

It is very interesting to listen to what the critical voices in my head say in response.  'No - it's NOT true!' they say. 'If you carry on like this, just focussing on positive things, you'll never get well!' 

I try not to engage with these voices, but just bring myself back to the recording and my silent repetition of 'Yes, that's true.'

I've been listening to Cheri Huber's radio programs for a year now and have noticed she often recommends people record themselves speaking.  Until I did it myself I wondered why, but now I see why it's so powerful. 

I have a 'voice' running continuously in my head, and for 99% of the time it's a voice of judgement, and comparison.  Having another 'voice' that I listen to on my laptop makes it clear that what is going on in my head is just one opinion.  It's not necessarily correct and I can learn to develop this kind, mentoring voice and then have a choice about what I listen to. 

All very interesting! I'll let you know about the next assignment when I do it.

Like An Egg

Artwork by Milé Murtanovski

A few years ago I made a long and tiring journey across Australia to be with a close friend who comes from Africa. At the time, he was a refugee in a detention centre on the other side of Australia and couldn't come to visit me. 

After I’d arrived he told me, ‘Your sister rang to say you’d be really tired when you got here. I think she wanted to make sure I would look after you, so I told her not to worry, that I would treat you like an egg.’

‘An egg?’ I said, surprised. 

‘Yes, of course. I will treat you carefully, as though I was holding an egg.’

My friend was born in the Congo, and the idea of treating someone ‘like an egg’ was one that came from his culture. It’s a beautiful image. Imagine cradling a vulnerable egg in your hands, neither squeezing too tightly nor holding too loosely.

The image came to mind today as I was watching feelings rise and dissipate during meditation.  I found that it helped to imagine my hands holding my feelings with the careful attention I would bring to holding an egg. I saw the ‘egg’ being placed into my hands – anger, sadness, peacefulness – and felt my hands around them, not strangling them with a desire to change or cling to them, but not letting them go in aversion or disgust either.  

When the feelings started fading, I would carefully place the egg down, letting it go. Then, the next egg would be placed into my hands, with every egg wanting the same thing – attentive, gentle, care.

Cheri Huber and the Zen Monastery Peace Centre

Over the last few weeks I've been reading a few books by zen teacher Cheri Huber, and have been introduced to her wonderful on-line resources, intended to provide support for those who don't live near her monastery.  I'm always keen to get this kind of meditation support, because I'm pretty much house-bound these days and can't get out to join a regular meditation or Buddhist group. 

I just love it when groups of people can get together, regardless of geographic location or personal circumstances, to share their experiences and support each other on this journey. This is the communication revolution at its best!

If you're not into Buddhism - don't worry - the word 'Buddha' is hardly ever mentioned in any of the resources offered by Cheri and the monks at the Zen Monastery Peace Centre.  From what I can gather, she focuses a lot on working with conditioning (aka 'the voices in my head').  

As an example of conditioning, I might be happily writing away at this blog post only to have my peace interrupted by a voice saying quietly -  'You know, people don't really like this blog.  Some people say they do, but they don't.'  I go into a quiet panic, and worry about that voice being right.  And there I am - caught in conditioning. 

  Cheri Huber works a lot around the idea of conditioning and its role in self-hatred, and on developing a more nurturing, supportive, present element to our lives.  Her work is extremely practical and focused on the here and now.  I'm sure I'll be writing more over the next few months about some of Cheri's teachings, but for now, I wanted to give a list of some of the support and resources she offers. 

Open Air:  a weekly, on-line radio program where guests call in and ask questions.  There are a few hundred past episodes available as podcasts.

Practice Everywhere: Receive short awareness practice reminders by way of text messages, computer, Facebook, Twitter, or i Phone. When you sign up, you can choose how to receive them.

Reflective Listening Buddies:  this program offers the opportunity to connect with another person, by phone or Skype, weekly for 30 minutes of practice support.

E-mail classes:  classes on awareness practice offered through e-mail.  (A donation is suggested for this class, but no set amount).