tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5752442688135445689.post7512385526809646781..comments2023-05-22T09:24:12.725-07:00Comments on The Chronic Meditator: Just Relax!Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5752442688135445689.post-1137907164991426842010-02-09T21:59:08.407-08:002010-02-09T21:59:08.407-08:00Thanks janusnori. I'd love to hear how you go...Thanks janusnori. I'd love to hear how you go when you try the 'B' answer. I'm still hoping someone will offer me a weekend in an architect-designed beach house. (The 'architect-designed' bit is very important...I am a snob when it comes to fantasy beach houses).Sara https://www.blogger.com/profile/12095262161793214914noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5752442688135445689.post-88423048079621223292010-02-09T20:16:37.100-08:002010-02-09T20:16:37.100-08:00I found this post to be super helpful. Right along...I found this post to be super helpful. Right along with you, I'm sitting here imagining how many times I told my partner: "just relax" or "chill out" when he was obviously very stressed/anxious. I don't know why I hadn't consider all these years why that was not very helpful or likely to produce the desired result. I feel like thinking like this will make the give much more of a B answer next time I think he might be worrying himself into an anxious state. Thanks!Senior Gay Male Correspondenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13146948552016138197noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5752442688135445689.post-5001170152540037502010-01-19T18:06:51.579-08:002010-01-19T18:06:51.579-08:00Really interesting oomments...I did think of that ...Really interesting oomments...I did think of that 'serentity now!!' episode when I was writing this. It's one of my favorite Seinfeld episodes (after the 'sponge-worthy' one!) <br /><br />I have a psychologist and was talking to her about this kind of thing one time. She says she has clients who need to hear the hard truths occasionally, but she has many who have been critisized so much during their lives that this kind of approach can be nothing but counter-productive. <br /><br />As a non-psychologist, I can say that it's difficult, if not impossible, to know whether my comments about other people's behaviour are going to be harmful or helpful in the long run. All I can try to do is to notice the intention behind my speech (and thoughts). <br /><br />What I've noticed is that when I tell someone to 'chill out' - it's invariably for my own benefit, not for theirs! I'm saying it because their behaviour is annoying me and I want it to stop - rather than out of any great concern for them, or desire to understand what's behind their behaviour. <br /><br />All I can go on is an awareness of my own intentions and desires, and act in accordance with my best intentions. After that...who knows? <br /> <br />Very confusing! Serenity NOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!Sara https://www.blogger.com/profile/12095262161793214914noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5752442688135445689.post-61811298853194053672010-01-19T17:36:25.283-08:002010-01-19T17:36:25.283-08:00Reading this all I can think of is "serenity ...Reading this all I can think of is "serenity now"! <br /><br />Damn those psychologists (LOL). Unfortunately in training tact is not always on the list of skills we are taught. On the other side though sometimes patients go in with an expectation and hear only what they want to hear. If you think you are going to be judged going in you'll only hear judgement no matter what the therapist says. Combine the two and the therapeutic relationship breaks down pretty quick. <br /><br />Sometimes professionally you need to say the hard truths but there are ways of going about it and part of the process is tailoring the process to the patient and in a sense I think its the same with meditation. I've been a hard arse with patients who needed it but that was after making an informed judgement on what the person needed. Some psychs do get very focused on one approach especially when you are talking about things like CFS or other chronic conditions. Its the same with relaxation/meditation. <br /><br />I was taught a more flexible and holistic approach and found that worked well. Now being on the other side of the couch I have been told to just relax and wanted to hit the person giving me such sage advice. Logically I know such advice is more about the person saying it than me, emotionally I feel like I'm being judged. Not saying I have any answers (or even if there was a question), in fact I'm sure I don't, but if all fails I still think screaming "serenity now" at the person works to both deter their further helpful advice and give you a huge hit of those helpful feel good brain chemicals :)Michelle Rogerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16472120868084570461noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5752442688135445689.post-47590197248515940742010-01-19T08:07:15.135-08:002010-01-19T08:07:15.135-08:00I do wonder if sometimes we make too much of an ef...I do wonder if sometimes we make too much of an effort to modulate our responses to others out of a desire to not hurt their feelings. There's no way to know for sure how someone will take what you say - sometimes that "just relax" might piss someone off for a moment, but then turn out to be just what they needed. <br /><br />Some zen teacher - I'm forgetting her name, but I know she came to our meditation center - said to us "Notice the difference between hurt and harm. What you say or do might hurt someone in the short-term, or it might cause harm in the long term. Put your effort and attention into not causing harm." <br /><br />I'm not suggesting we walk around saying judgmental things to others, trying to jar them. It's more that given how fleeting emotions are, maybe it's most important that we come from a place of right intentions, and stop fiddling with every little comment or action that might offend.Nathanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13920234350446745482noreply@blogger.com